How long has it been since I went for my first scholarship interview? Months? It was back in December, during which I had just finished my SPM exminations. The incident took place at the Uplands International School in Penang. After two examinations (Maths and English respectively), some of us were selected for the actual interviews. I was lucky enough to be among the finalists, even though my English score was among the lowest (so sad!). A week later, I was informed that I got the scholarship, which included 50% of the school fees. However, it was still way over my family's budget, so I decided to reject it.
Back to the present, I'm currently waiting for the results of my JPA interview (way back in April) and my BNM interview (a little more recent). Khazanah was a total flop for me, because clearly I never possessed the qualities they were looking for in a scholar. I never managed to get past the second stage, which means I only went halfway through. But for the other two, although I did screw up a little, the results aren't out yet, so I should remain hopeful, right? But tomorrow's the last day for the BNm results to be announced and as far as I know, nobody got the call yet, so everything comes down to the next 24 hours, for all 100 or more of us.
As for the JPA scholarship, quite a few people emailed the authorities and it's been confirmed that the results will be released on the 21st of May, which means another week of me as a nervous wreck. (Don't ask me for proof of this, you can disbelieve it if you want, it's your choice) I've been restless this entire week, waiting for the results to be out and suddenly I hear that it won't be out for another week. Damn. I spent this entire week shopping and packing stuff for college, even though I have no idea which college I'll be going to, because I needed to do something or I'd have gone crazy with the all the sitting around and waiting.
So, while I sit here trying to spend as much of my time typing this, and singing along to Montgomery Gentry's songs, the aura of gloom surrounding the possible fact that I might not get any scholarship haunts me. As a result, I take longer to sleep at night, and wake up earlier in the morning. I pick up my phone every few minutes, knowing pretty well that no one has called, but hoping anyway. I turn on my computer the entire day, checking ReCom and my email repeatedly for updates. Looks like the whole thing is taking an emotional turmoil on myself. Hopefully this'll all be over soon (except the Montgomery Gentry part).
But I digress. I'm sure many of you feel the same way, given the fact that 10114 people got selected for the JPA interviews, and another 100+ for the BNM one. So there might be 10200 people out there doing the exact same thing I'm doing right now, typing anxiously into a blog that nobody is going to read anyway. I picture the scene and I smile a little, while comprehending the apparent idiocity of it. But there's nothing idiotic about an 18-year-old's hopes and dreams, which could be crushed at any moment without hesitation or prior warning.
And so the wait goes on. There's nothing I can do to speed things up. Luckily there're many things to occupy my time with (Breaking Bad, House, 24, Lost). So far, all have kept up to my expectations, but with House ending next week, Lost ending the week after, 24 the week after that, and lastly Breaking Bad, I'll soon be left with nothing but crappy shows like Glee and ridiculous ones like 30 Rock and The Big Bang Theory. not to say that TBBT is bad, because it's actually very good. Show after show, book after book I've devoured, but sadly I'm still no closer to the results. How depressing!
Maybe it's time to consider my other options, like going off to college. I have been preparing stuff, going shopping and such, but I haven't registered anywhere yet. It;s still too soon for that. And I haven't given up hope. But by this weekend I would either be very happy or extremely disappointed, depending on the outcome of the BNM scholarship interview. If it's the former, I do not have to worry about the JPPA scholarship any longer. but, if it's the latter, JPA would be my only hope. Kinda like a Hail Mary for me. It's either that, or I'm doomed to life in college without a scholarship. That sucks because money is scarce, and my dream to go to the US will be shattered.
Well, I know that Accounting students don't get to study in the US, but if I somehow get a scholarhip in UK, I can just grab a flight over the ocean, right? (don't remember the name, my Geography sucks) And then I'll finally be able to watch the 3 concerts I've been waiting for for so long, namely Rascal Flatts, Sugarland and Montgomery Gentry. But if I don't get a scholarship, most of my money will be spent on college, so bye-bye concerts. Another depressing thought. Sigh... If I try to go when I'm working, there wouldn't be a point for all the artistes would be rather old by then, if they're still together, that is.
Ok, to put an end to my endless ramblings, I shall play While You're Still Young, MG's newest single and sing along to it, stopping all possibilities of me typing on and on about stuff people don't even care about. Like the song I've just mentioned. So goodbye, my dear readers, and good luck to those of you still awaiting JPA scholarships (or any others).
No comments:
Post a Comment