Sunday, May 16, 2010

Robin Hood (Movie Review)


Just watched this movie earlier today, sitting in a cinema seat that smelled as if an amorous couple just made love there. Pretty gross, and since the movie lasted for such a long time, I felt really uncomfortable sitting there. You would too, if you could smell the sweat emanating from the seat. Sadly, every other seat was taken, except those in the very front that requires a viewer to crane his neck upwards in a painful fashion, so I decided to stay put.

Anyway, back to the movie, I found it rather illogical and bland. Just like any other war movie, where people rush at each other with swords and shields and try to hack off as many limbs as possible. There were three battle scenes in the movie, one in the beginning, one in the middle, and one at the end. In fact the movie should be called 'Robin's Wars' or something, since all he does is fight.

I found the entire movie rather predictable, and somewhat confusing. Marion's village is terrorrised by a bunch of kids wearing masks, but it is never explained who they were or where they came from. Later, they suddenly decide to help the villagers who were under attack. Why rob a village until all the people there are starving and then save them from being roasted alive? And after getting rescued, Marion suddenly takes lead of the wild kids and lead them into battle. WTH? First they rob her, then they willingly work under her?

Robin is rather confusing here. He isn't the Robin you read about in stories, but rather the Robin before he became an outlaw. His real name is Robin Longstride, but somehow changed to Robin Hood during the final moments of the movie, with no explanation why. It was the sheriff who called him this, and he didn't even name himself. Does that even make sense?

And the king, who promises liberty to his people, suddenly decides otherwise,and everyone agrees? First they were all ready to go to war and kill him, but when he cheats them they let him go? Ok, so they were surrounded by soldiers at that time, but since they have so many men earlier, why not come back and attack the city and kill the king? After all, he is a lying bastard. It's like all their bravery disappeared as soon as they were lied to.

In the end, Robin was doomed as an outlaw by the king, because the king was afraid that he would steal the crown from him. Like, duh! First he has the whole England listening to his every word, but as soon as the king says that he's an outlaw for crimes against England, everyone hates him? For God's sake, he fought alongside you, not against you, and unless you were blind, you'd probably have seen that. Somehow everyone just listens to the king, even though he has been proved to be an idiot.

In the end, Robin and Marion run off into the forest with their new friends, the wild kids and live happily ever after. WTH?

All the characters in this movie are one-sided, if they're eveil, they're evil, they're evil. If they're good, they're good. And not much explanation into why they're like that in the first place. King Richard himself is a bastard for butchering innocent women and children, and his brother is a womaniser and a cheater. Robin is the typical good guy, who fights for everything from honour to love to his country. The villain is also pretty common, wants power and things like that.

All in all, there's nothing special about Robin Hood. It's just a normal movie, albeit a slightly nonsensical one. Too long, too draggy, with a lot of scenes that don't even deserve to be in there. The only good thing is the cinematography. Beautiful scenerey, rolling hills of green, things like that. Otherwise, nothing much.

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